Despair

Despair, utter despair was all that she felt. Her life had begun unraveling at an early age, and sadly, none of it was her fault. She had grown up in a dysfunctional family and it showed. Her father stayed drunk, and her mother was never home. Someone had to pay the bills and that task had fallen to her mother. Because of it, her mother had become bitter, which led to her parents fighting. To cope with this, she fled the environment. If she didn’t, it was going to destroy her, and destroy her, it did.

Poor eating habits and bad genetics had taken over and she was ninety pounds overweight. By the time she entered high school, she was obese for her height; and was ashamed of how she looked. It didn’t matter anyway. She had no friends and no boy would look at her, and if they did, it was with ridicule or disgust. Not knowing what to do, she retreated inside herself.

She became a loner, a lost soul in the vast cesspool of humanity. There was no happiness at home or school. She discovered that quickly. Now she spent her time roaming the streets.

It became her life. She found that she could find solace in her misery by taking to the shadows. Staying hidden was a way of not being ridiculed, a way of not having her feelings hurt. She did her best to put on a tough countenance to try to cover up how fragile she was. Most of the time it worked, but there were moments when she had to find a place where she could cry. A place where she felt safe and could let the tears flow.

She knew that something was missing in her life and didn’t know how to find it. Love was something foreign to her. She had never received it from her father and her mother was too tired, frustrated, and bitter to show her the attention she needed. She ached for attention, so desperately longed for it, that she attempted to find it in the wrong places.

Being introverted, she didn’t know how to cultivate a relationship. The streets were the only thing she knew, and that is where she made her overture into romance. All she found were people just like her, the outcasts, the broken, and the lost. She very quickly found out how dangerous it could be. She was beaten and raped by someone she thought was interested in her. As she lay there, she could hear someone approaching and tried to get up and flee.

“Miss, are you all right?”

Terrified, she looked at the man who was kneeling beside her.

“I won’t hurt you. You’ve been beaten. Were you raped?”

Crying, she nodded yes.

“Come with me,” he said while lifting her to her feet. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” She could sense something about the man she had never felt before. She felt she could trust him and it startled her. She had never been able to trust anyone before.

At the hospital, she was treated and then had to be interviewed by the police. When that ordeal was over, she was ready to be released.

The man was waiting for her at the hospital door. “Do you have any place to stay?”

She looked at him with fear in her eyes.

“Come with me. I’m the pastor at the community church,” he said while motioning for her to follow him.

Something told her it was all right and she nodded yes.

At his home, his wife and he sat down with her and began asking questions. She told them about her home life and why she was on the streets.

“Let me ask you something,” said the pastor. “Would you like to have peace enter your heart? Have all of your despair turned into joy?”

She began to weep.

“I know someone who loves you just as you are. He doesn’t care about your appearance. All He cares about is you.”

“Who?”

“Jesus will heal your broken heart. He will heal you from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. He will heal your brokenness if you let Him. Will you let Him?” he asked.

Sobbing, she nodded yes.

Placing his hand on her head, the Holy Ghost anointing flowed into a broken vessel and made her whole again. At that moment she found the love she longed for. She had found peace.

June 25, 2023