I bought myself a brown shag rug
And made myself a Bigfoot suit
I lined it with several plush pillows
Look authentic, the outcome is moot
I put it together using brown velcro
With a zipper in the front and back
It has a lined pocket on one side
To hold rotten meat, an olfactory attack
I installed a built-in loudspeaker
So that I can play Sasquatch sounds
I have an aluminum bat tree knocker
For making knocks when trees I pound
My Bigfoot feet are made of wood
Like snowshoes, strapped to my feet
In appearance, I may look ridiculous
Looking authentic is quite a feat
At night, outside my wife’s window
I let loose a mighty, scary howl
I beat a tree into total submission
The results? they didn’t make me scowl
She pulled the covers up over her head
And most likely she peed her pants
I then called her on her cell phone
“Let me in!” she’ll answer, “I can’t!”
“There’s a monster outside my window”
“I can hear it breathing very loud”
“No way am I getting up out of bed!”
“I’m afraid and to admit it I’m allowed”
“Where are you? Where did you go?”
“And why aren’t you in here in bed?”
I answered, “Look out the window.”
“Bigfoot is your husband instead”
I spent the night in that scratchy rug
And for breakfast there was none
She met me at the door that morning
And in her hands was her shotgun
“If you ever do that to me again”
“Bigfoot will forever officially die”
“So, if you want to live a long life”
“No more pranks will you ever try!”
June 14, 2022