I Can't Take It Anymore
It was one thirty in the morning and he couldn’t sleep. Being careful not to wake his wife, he quietly slipped from under the covers, grabbed his robe, and went downstairs to his study. Settling into his chair, he closed his eyes and began to softly sob. As the tears streamed down his face, he began to pray.
“Father, I can’t do this anymore,” he cried.
While sitting there he began to feel a presence in the room. He immediately knew who it was. He also knew he must wait.
As he waited he thought about the events leading up to this moment. Sunday Night service had been disappointing. He had spent the afternoon preparing his message and was excited about what he was going to share. Besides his wife and daughter, only six more people showed up for the service.
Choking back his discouragement, he delivered his message the best he could. After service, he and his family hurried home. His wife knew it was best to leave him alone. It had been that way for a while. All she knew to do was pray for him.
“Samuel, what is wrong?” asked the small voice.
Crying, he softly answered, “I don’t know. I try to minister to my flock. I really do. I feel like they won’t listen to me. I am always butting heads with the elders and deacons. I get no support from them.”
“Is that all?”
“No, this year I am due a raise. I have mentioned it just once. The elders and deacons immediately began arguing about it. It really made me feel uncomfortable. I get the impression they want to ignore it. Am I wrong to feel this way?”
“Samuel, do you trust me?”
“Yes, Lord, I always have,” he replied.
“Are you teaching my Word?”
“Yes.”
“Do you heed the Holy Spirit’s prompting?”
“Yes.”
“Are you compromising my Word?”
“No! Never! I know better than that!”
“Then why do you want to quit? Didn’t I call you to the ministry?”
“I’m tired, tired of fighting the lack of support and strife. It bothers me, I can’t help it. I am under scrutiny all the time.”
“You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Satan will always throw roadblocks in your path. Not just anybody can shepherd a flock. It takes a strong, dedicated individual. Do you love me?”
“With all my heart.”
“Samuel, I know your heart. I have seen it in action many times. You have compassion for your flock. I know that.”
“Then Lord, why do I feel this way? Why am I burned out? Why do I want to run away and hide?”
“Samuel, I see this more than you could possibly imagine. Satan uses every possible trick he can devise to discourage pastors. You have to understand this is his handiwork. He knows that if he can destroy you he can destroy the church.”
He slowly began to nod his head.
“What do I do?” he softly asked.
“You do what you have been doing all along. I want you to put a smile on your face, greet your flock with love, and forgive the elders and deacons for their lack of support. Remember, you have power over Satan. Rebuke him in Jesus’ name. He has to flee. Can you do this? If you can’t I will have to find a new shepherd for my flock.”
Samuel was quiet for a few moments.
Sobbing, he answered, “Father, forgive me. Forgive me for being a quitter. Please restore my joy and love for my flock. Please.”
“Samuel, my child, let me minister to you. Close your eyes and relax.”
He did as he was told. As he sat there the sensation of heat came over him. It was as if he was burning from the inside out. He knew it was the Holy Spirit. It had to be, it was the only possible answer. He felt his heaviness begin to leave him, layers and layers of hurt melted away. Disappointment, discouragement, and loathing angrily identified themselves as they left. Some struggled to stay but it was no use, they were forced from him until he was totally cleansed. It was amazing.
As each entity left it was replaced by another, in a massive flood, love, joy, and peace entered his spirit. In a matter of moments, it was done and the burning sensation left his body.
Samuel opened his eyes and began to cry once again. He was ashamed of himself for allowing Satan to get a foothold in his spirit.
“Father,” he softly prayed, “thank you, thank you for understanding.”
He was completely emotionally drained. He knew that something awesome had happened. Little did he know the enormity of it.
Going back upstairs to bed, he fell into a deep, restful sleep. He awoke that morning refreshed and with a smile on his face.
His wife woke up startled, finding herself wrapped in her husband’s arms. She immediately knew something had happened. It was obvious.
“Honey! What is it? What has happened to you?” she asked.
“God! God happened,” he replied, “and praise God He did!”
“What???”
“Just wait and watch honey, just wait and watch.”
October 14, 2021