I Hate Garage Sales!

I THINK I HATE GARAGE SALES
I CAN’T HELP IT, I REALLY DO
FOR THOSE WHO’VE NEVER HAD ONE
THEY HAVE A DISTORTED VIEW

YOU HAUL IT OUT OF THE BASEMENT
UP A FLIGHT OF LONG STAIRS
BOX AFTER BOX OF YOUR THINGS
OF WHICH YOU NO LONGER CARE

THEN YOU HAVE TO PRICE IT ALL
AND BASICALLY YOU’RE GIVING IT AWAY
HOPING SOMEONE WILL PAY YOUR PRICE
INSTEAD OF DICKERING WHAT THEY PAY

THE DAY BEFORE THE DREADED EVENT
THE LABOR, IT REALLY BEGINS
POP UPS, TABLES, TARPAULINS
THE WEARINESS BEGINS TO SETTLE IN

CHANGE FROM THE BANK’S BEEN ACQUIRED
SACKS AND BAGS, PAPER TO WRAP
THE MORNING OF, THE SIGNS GO UP
YOU BEGIN TO FEEL THAT YOU’RE TRAPPED

THE WEATHER, RAINING OR NINETY DEGREES
THERE’S NEVER A HAPPY IN-BETWEEN
IT TENDS TO MAKE ME A LITTLE GRUMPY
EVEN THE CUSTOMERS CAN BE MEAN    

PEOPLE, THEY TEND TO ARRIVE EARLY
A HANDFUL OR YOU ARE SWAMPED
YOU’LL HAVE SOME THAT ARE CORDIAL
OTHERS YOU WANT TO STRANGLE AND STOMP

YOU GRIT YOUR TEETH, SILENTLY WATCH
AS EVERYTHING IS UNFOLDED AND TOSSED
AND YOU KNOW YOUR THINGS GET STOLEN
SILENTLY WONDER HOW BIG IS YOUR LOSS    

BUT THE THING THAT REALLY GETS TO ME
SOMETHING FOR A QUARTER, OFFERED A DIME
I HAVE A HARD TIME CONTROLLING MYSELF
AS I CONSIDER COMMITTING A CRIME

EVERY YEAR I SAY “NEVER AGAIN”
WHILE DOING THE AFTER SALE TEAR DOWN
THIS YEAR FINALLY I’VE HAD ENOUGH
WHILE IN MY SWEAT I SLOWLY DROWN!

Tuesday, June 21, 2022