The graveside service was over and Dianne was helped into the passenger seat for the ride back to the funeral home. It had been a short service. Since they hadn’t been blessed with children, the only people there were her sister and her family, and a few members of the church. Now that Roger was gone she didn’t know what she would do. All of this she thought about as she sat quietly during the ride.
“Dianne, let us know if you need anything,” offered the funeral home director.
“Thank you, Fred. I’ll be alright,” she replied.
Later that night, she thought about the events leading up to today.
Their marriage had been a good one. They lacked for nothing, and they were able to enjoy life. They had traveled and visited places all over the world. They had their favorites and would find themselves going back all the time. The Grand Canyon, Cape Cod, Maui, Switzerland, and Ireland were repeat trips. But their favorite was Israel. They loved Jerusalem, the Wailing Wall, and all of the other Biblical sites.
They had gone to the Mount Of Olives, with a tour group, when Roger began to feel uneasy. He didn’t exactly hurt, but he was on edge and a little uncomfortable. It forced Dianne and him to return to the tour bus to rest.
“Are you all right?” asked a concerned Dianne.
“Just tired. I’ll be alright,” he had answered her.
That night he ran a fever and complained about his groin area hurting. They had called home, to their family doctor, and explained to him what was going on.
“What are his symptoms again?” he had asked.
“He’s running a 103-degree fever, his groin hurts and he’s passed a little blood in his urine,” answered a very anxious Dianne.
“I think you had better come home. The quicker the better,” the doctor advised.
They caught the next available flight home and made an appointment with their doctor.
She remembered the visit vividly. Roger had cried out in pain when the doctor examined him.
“Let’s get some x-rays done. If they don’t show anything then we’ll go with a cat scan.”
They had the tests done and had received some bad news. Their next doctor’s visit had been to an oncologist.
“Roger, there is no way I can candy-coat this. You have bladder cancer and it is at stage four. I am so sorry,” he had said.
Dianne immediately began to cry. Roger had tears in his eyes, “How much time do I have?”
“Maybe six months, give or take a week.”
“Can anything be done?”
“No, I’m sorry, but no. We can make you as comfortable as possible, but there will be a lot of pain.”
Roger went downhill quickly. He rapidly lost weight and became very feeble. In five months he entered hospice care and in ten days he was gone. Dianne never left his side, silently praying, trying to hold back the tears. On his last day. he faded in and out of consciousness.
In a coherent moment he spoke, “Dianne, honey, I love you. Don’t be sad. We’ll see each other again,” he had softly spoken through his pain.
She had taken his hand and answered, “I love you, too.” As she had spoken his hand went limp and he was gone.
Now she was home alone and feeling a potpourri of emotions. It started with gut-wrenching sobs, then to anger. “You’re up there in Heaven and I’m left down here to deal with this! Why! It’s not fair! Then bitterness and jealousy entered in. She became very upset with God. Blamed him for Roger’s death. After venting all of her emotions, she was worn out and had gone to bed.
Before drifting off to sleep, it was her habit to pray. Getting comfortable, she began.
“God, please forgive me for getting mad at you. Please help me. I am so lonely. Why did you take Roger away from me? I don’t understand it. Do you need him in Heaven? I can’t think of a good reason why. I need him more than you do! How am I going to survive without him? We did everything together. I should hate you but I don’t. I am so lonely,” she sobbed as she prayed.
As she drifted off to sleep peace settled over her. In her mind, an image formed. At the end of a long tunnel, a bright light shone. It was so bright she could hardly focus on it. In the center of the light stood two people. The bright light was emanating from one of them. One of the people turned, looked at her, and motioned for her to come. She could sense that it was all right and started walking toward the light. As she got closer she recognized the other person.
“Roger! Is that you?”
The person smiled and nodded yes.
She could see that he wore a white robe and that he looked to be in perfect help, not decimated by cancer. There was a glow to his face and she could tell that he was happy.
“Can I join you?” she asked.
Roger shook his head and walked away.
“Don’t go! Please don’t go!” she pleaded.
The other person spoke to her.
“Dianne, please, don’t be sad. He is here with me. He doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“But I miss him,” she sobbed.
“I know you do. I will help you with your loneliness. Trust me. I have work for you to do at the church. It will help you through this. Wait for my instructions. And as for Roger, one day you will see him again if you live your life according to my word. The day will come before you know it.”
The vision faded away and she woke up.
“Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for allowing me to see him and know that he is ok and with you. Good night.”
October 23, 2020